Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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