is your mom at the bar?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
