i can't believe i had my finger in that
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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