If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
