"it" just moved
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
