If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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