did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
