You smell like stripper and shame
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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