just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
