My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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