$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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