I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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