I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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