He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
