I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
