just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
