She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
