Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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