is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
