Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize