I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
