Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you never un-have a 4some
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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