What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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