i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
