We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
