Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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