I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
