if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
