Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
