On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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