I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
