my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
