We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
