Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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