Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
