Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
