I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
