Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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