Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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