you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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