im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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