I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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