Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
