Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
