I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize