fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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