i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
