good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
