I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
