I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
