that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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