He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
is it fun? or sober?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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