I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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