I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
