dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The beer is more important than you right now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
