is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
