Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
