His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
