I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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