Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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