I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
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Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"