That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.