I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"