When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think your husband is breaking up with me...