Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.