I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Your dad touched me again.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
