The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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